You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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