and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
