Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
