Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
