So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
