im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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