im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
