I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
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It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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