Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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