He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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