All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
