oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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