There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
