You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
