Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
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I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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