i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
