I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
where are my eyebrows?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
