I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
