umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
