Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
