worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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