So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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