I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i already hear my dad disowning me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ladies don't puke and tell
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
