1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize
