I'm so fucking centered right now
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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