ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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