I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
