and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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