shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
