idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
