toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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