He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
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I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night