i just wanna soil my oats bro
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
