She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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