The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
