Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
