i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
