proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
