We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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