i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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