So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
