ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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