i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize