Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
