I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
