my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
