So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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