Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
