Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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