I just saw a hot homeless man
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
