Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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