I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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