eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
