whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
