I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
