i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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