Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
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you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
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We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Im part way to drunk.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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