I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Green mimosas i think yes
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
