i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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