my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
