This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
