It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hippo gnu deer
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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