New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
