you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
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I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
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Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.