I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.