You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
