Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
