toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
