You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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