I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
