I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
