I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
