thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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