i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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