i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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