Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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