I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
