Nicole vs. Life
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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