"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
