He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize